I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize