People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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