Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
