We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think your dad took our porno
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize