my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
