The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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