She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
