i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
