Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
