My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
