i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
