She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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