She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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