Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize