How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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