Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
