I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
