I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
