I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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