Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
