omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
