Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
