he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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