Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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