I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
