hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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