Duck Duck Cougar?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
