I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
