those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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