I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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