so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
