i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
