capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
