I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
