Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
