After last night, I could never be a politician.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
