I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
