He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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