I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
