from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
