I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize