im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
