remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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