piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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