There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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