I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
