i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
