I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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