walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
