Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
