this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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