is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
