There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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