i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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