no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So apparently I’m into choking now
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