the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
