he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
