It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
