HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please come you make the beer taste better
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
