haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
