Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
