Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize