i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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