well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
