false alarm. still invincible.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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