her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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