Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
