I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
