As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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