pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
