he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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