Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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