he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
