By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
