i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
