OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
