Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
