Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
