I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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