My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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