if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
