tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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