Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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