God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize