I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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